Baby King Fisher

by HuMJah on February 6, 2010

Sweet King Fisher

Baby boy

Whose name I do not know

Whose face I never saw

Whom I never held in my arms

Though you captured my heart

And I treasure you still there

Sweet little King Fisher

Innocent child

Whose fate I do not know

Whose mother I never met

Who went home with someone else

Though we longed for you

And would have you still

Beloved King Fisher

Treasured one

Who is held in powerful arms

Whose name is known well

Who was never, ever a mistake

Though others may disagree

And think me a fool to love you

Oh, Sweet King Fisher

Precious Child

Who came to us for a reason

Who was known before his birth

Who is loved by our Saviour

Though you don’t know Him

And I think I understand

Baby King Fisher,

Helpless Infant

Who needed a prayer covering

Who needs a hero in the heavenlies

Who has a connection to the Creator

Though you never met me

And I can only call you

Baby King Fisher.

Sweet King Fisher

Baby boy

Whose name I do not know

Whose face I never saw

Whom I never held in my arms

Though you captured my heart

And I treasure you still there

Sweet little King Fisher

Innocent child

Whose fate I do not know

Whose mother I never met

Who went home with someone else

Though we longed for you

And would have you still

Beloved King Fisher

Treasured one

Who is held in powerful arms

Whose name is known well

Who was never, ever a mistake

Though others may disagree

And think me a fool to love you

Oh, Sweet King Fisher

Precious Child

Who came to us for a reason

Who was known before his birth

Who is loved by our Saviour

Though you don’t know Him

And I think I understand

Baby King Fisher,

Helpless Infant

Who needed a prayer covering

Who needs a hero in the heavenlies

Who has a connection to the Creator

Though you never met me

And I can only call you

Baby King Fisher.

{ 0 comments }

Feb 5 2010

by HuMJah on February 5, 2010

For approximately 90 minutes today, I was the mother of a 3 day old baby boy. I got the call around 10:15 that the birthmother’s choice of parents weren’t ICWA compliant, and we were the choice of the Cherokee Nation to be in compliance with ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act, that requires Native American children be placed in Native American homes, which we fit because John happens to be 3/32 Choctaw). The catch was that we had to accept placement TODAY, and get a lawyer and temporary custody TODAY. We kicked into crisis mode and started to work on everything we needed; called a lawyer friend, went to go buy clothes and crib sheets and such to get us through the first few days. Around 11:45, we got another call, from our caseworker. The baby was “no longer eligible for placement.” We don’t know why.

I had no expectation, no way of anticipating, how much it would hurt for this to fall through. I never laid eyes on him. I don’t know how big or little he is. All I know is that he was born February 2nd. And yet, in those 90 minutes, as I made phone calls, as I picked up the house, as we hurried to go buy essentials before we hurried out of town to go pick him up, I was falling deeply in love with him without realizing it.

We had just gotten into line when the call came; we turned around, and all the things we’d chosen in joyful anticipation, we now returned to the shelves quietly. As I put things back, my heart grew heavier and heavier, but the tears didn’t come for a while yet. They’ve come now… and it helps, some.

I’ve prayed for the parents who are taking him home, I’ve prayed for him, and I’ve thanked God for the birthmother who chose life for her son, both in carrying him to term and in deciding to find a good home for him. But it still hurts… and I’m surprised. Because… well, he wasn’t really ever my son… but for 90 minutes, for those 90 minutes, I was looking forward to taking him in my arms, to cradling him close. I was ok with the fact that we didn’t have a carrier for him; it meant I got to hold him more. We’re going to my sister’s next week; I was going to be able to share him with her, my nieces & nephews would meet their new cousin. I was building his life in those 90 minutes, and I didn’t realize how much I had invested myself into him.

I’m an all or nothin’ kinda girl. I don’t really know how to hold back. It’s why I can’t see how to be a foster parent… I can’t hold part of me back so I don’t get hurt. For 90 minutes today, a baby boy in Kingfisher, Oklahoma, was getting all of me. We’ll never know each other for who we were to each other today, but for 90 minutes today, he was my son, and I was his mother, and I gave him my all.

And when the next call comes, I’ll do it all over again. And again. And again. They deserve no less, and I can give no other way. But oh, how surprising it was to find it hurts as much as it does. That’s the way it is with love… love deeply, freely, and the wounds go deep… but living any other way is no life at all.

{ 1 comment }

On Honey, Flies, Vinegar, and Social Engineering

January 25, 2010

If you’re more Vinegar than Honey, can you fake it to catch that elusive fly?

Read the full article →

Musical Musing, “I Will Possess Your Heart”, Death Cab For Cutie

January 22, 2010

If you have the tenacity to persevere, amazing things await you.

Read the full article →

Musical Musing, You Are God Alone, Jesus Paid It All

January 17, 2010

We can be the hands and feet of Jesus, speaking liberty and love to the Haitians.

Read the full article →

Are you a Sheep or a Goat?

January 13, 2010

It would be easier to tell sheep from goats if we all actually LOOKED like sheep and goats.

Read the full article →

Musical Musings: Goin’ To Acapulco, (As covered by Jim James & Calexico) by Bob Dylan

January 11, 2010

If you think Jesus would have shunned Bob Dylan for goin’ to Acapulco, you forgot that He’s the friend of sinners.

Read the full article →

Musical Musing, Mary Did You Know, Mark Lowry & Buddy Green

December 30, 2009

We all have dreams for our children. Could Mary have ever dreamt what was coming for her Son?

Read the full article →

Musical Musings: God of This City, Bluetree

December 22, 2009

This Christmas, stop and remember why that Baby laying in a manger came, and what he accomplished.

Read the full article →

December 9, 2009

Sometimes, knowing who you are doesn’t change how you feel. Stop the world: I want off.

Read the full article →